White fragility

Growing up, I was told by my dad to  never marry a black guy, reason being that they will have a child with me and then abandon me. Now, when you grow up with a jurrasic parent who casually throws around racist remarks and poses as Hitler in a family photo shoot on your wedding day, that precarious sense of humour kind of rubs off on you.

The ironic thing that actually happened was that I married a white guy and that very thing my dad spoke of happened to me. Should have known my dad was chatting shit and married a black guy instead. 

Im completely taking the piss ofcourse and don't always specify any kind of behaviour being limited to any kind of race but growing up with a man who had  limiting beliefs due to his own experiences enabled me to question those as well as my own and everyone else's. I ask questions people are afraid to ask. I probe areas people are afraid to probe. I say things people are afraid to say. Often those areas are the most important to probe. Death, shame, racism, the list goes on of things people don't like to talk about that I absolutely feel I must because im provocative and the world needs provoking or wed stagnate in our own limited beliefs. When provoked, growth and learning happen that make way for a healthier Co existence.

Im choosing racism because ive been accused of being racist and im ashamed when it happens. I can't say that I'm not racist because I believe everyone is to a degree. I watched a social experiment where it was demonstrated even black people are guilty of racism towards their own race. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q-HTHTHwRss&pp=ygUfMTAwIGh1bWFucyBuZXRmbGl4IGJsYWNrIHJhY2lzbQ%3D%3DI) 

I also watched a couples therapy session where the guys fears hit me. He didn't feel safe putting his hood up when going for a run in the rain in case a white person was spooked or he was stopped by the police for looking suspicious. He didn't feel safe expressing his anger at any time in case he confirmed a narrative his race already has a reputation for and this was impacting his relationships. These are things white people take for granted. I heard that. We are heavily influenced by the media and quite often that portrays black people who are violent, the black guy dies first in movies, black women have big arses, etc the list goes on and consequently we've built up a subconscious belief that impact our interactions and experiences that impact who we are. The questions I ask are: are black people more athletic than white people because they're ancestors would have to be in terms of survival during the slave trade? Why is it that every Asian person I've ever worked with seems to significantly out perform white people? What is racism and what isn't? Who should determine what is racist and what isn't?  Who has the right to do that? When does being anti racist become "performative allyship"? (https://amp.theguardian.com/world/2021/sep/19/no-more-white-saviours-thanks-how-to-be-a-true-anti-racist-ally) 

I don't know where the line is any more but I also believe that if we're not brave enough to actively cross it sometimes and open ourselves up to the potential of recieving the accusation of being racist, we're never really gaining the opportunity to evaluate the parts that may need some work. The questions I ask above, some may seem irrelevant to targeting racism but i was once accused of being racist by asking one of those very questions and i strongly believe that our limitations to asking some of these questions perpetuates the very issue were being accused of. 

  white people who immediately jump on the anti racist bandwagon and throw around  "that's racist!" accusations are shaming and judging. Is that helpful? the most helpful thing we can all do is have a discussion and ask questions. the answers to which may surprise us, enlighten us, cause us to explore and question our own racial bias and lead us to become better humans. 

Comedy itself is a fantastic portal that allows us to laugh at the parts of ourselves and others that we're otherwise too ashamed to look at or question. So is ommiting racism from comedy beneficial? I mean it's a very far fetched question but how far do we go with being anti racist until we're no longer treating black people as equals? The bbc are more likely to employ someone if they're not white. Is compensating for a racist past with preferential treatment beneficial or does it fuel resentment and thus more racism?  This was certainly the case in my experience in south africa when i spoke to two white people who spoke about unsafe infrastructures being built by inexperienced black people who were employed based on the colour of their skin over the more experienced white person. They claimed accidents were happening and bridges were falling apart over such preferential treatment. Is it racist that they complain about this?  

I don't have any conclusions to these questions as I'd like for anybody reading this to think for themselves and come to their own conclusions and create their own important discussions