Fear

 I believe the thing you pride yourself on most. The attributes that us social creatures applaud such as kindness, loyalty, honesty, generosity etc

The positive things we would describe ourselves as, perhaps are also our core values and things we look for in others.

Fearless is a word I would use to describe myself. I'm afraid of slugs and snails and worms and home grown tomatoes (there was an incident with a worm) but i pride myself on the many things I have done that most would be afraid of and yet, setting up a market stall to sell my art fills me with an incredible amount of dread and fear. I have been so ashamed of this because im beth and I'm fearless and this is not being fearless. I've dug my head in the sand in total avoidance.

My point is, sometimes the things we pride ourselves on most are also where the cracks may lie and the areas of ourselves that would provide us most with growth. 

I belive that until we have fully accepted that even though we are kind we can also be unkind and even though we are honest we can also be dishonest then we never truly embody the very things we pride ourselves on.

I am fearless but i can also be fearful.

Growing and healing I believe is about taking everything you think you know about yourself and turning it on its head. You feel bewildered and confused at first but you come away with an incredibly strong level of integrity and resilience.

Fear is an emotion I would like to learn to comfertably sit with. Feeling safe in the feeling of fear seems like an entirely paradoxical concept but im beginning to realise growing is a constant journey of working through dychotomies.