Dating and love ❤️

- you will only attract partners that love and accept your "faults" if YOU love and accept YOUR "faults"

-I put "faults" in this way because there's nothing inherently good or bad about anyone ☯️ we are a human whole, with good in the bad and bad in the good. Perfectly imperfect. Often what we reject in others is what we are rejecting within ourselves. 

- if you don't tare down the shame or fear you feel over these parts of you and learn to love them you will keep attracting the same kind of partner in a different meat suit.

-each romantic partner you have had that hasnt worked out has been a mirror and messanger to better guide you towards being the most content, perfectly imperfect version of you. If you didn't catch their message (whichever parts of THEM you were rejecting) then it's because you're still holding on to the anger. When you can let that go, and learn to love those rejected parts (which are also a part of who YOU have been) you can appreciate these romantic partners  for the part that they played in your development.

-if you think you have fallen in love with someone within a few months, chances are, that is infatuation. Until you fully know the whole of someone ☯️ and love and accept them for all of who they are and do not see them as a project or someone that needs to change or whom you want to see change then you do not LOVE them.  

-  you can't judge and shame the toxicity out of anyone or anything and if you are judging and shaming that's often a sign of a shadow with yourself you are fighting against. 

"But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow.

Even darkness must pass.

A new day will come.

And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer." - lord of the rings 

- sparks between 2 people are essentially a familiarity buzz in the brain. It's the brain saying "wow, this is exciting, this feels just like home" and whatever "home" was to you and whatever unhealed trauma lies there is what that "spark" is really about. 

-what is love?

Its you, loving and accepting all of the perfectly imperfect human that you are, the good, the so called bad and the so called ugly. And having self compassion around all of those yet unexplored wounds and meeting someone who shares some of your beliefs, values and interests. 

Its about giving yourself all of your heart and being with someone who gives themselves all of their own heart and being able to share that love you have for yourselves with each other.

 "Love is not a constant state of enthusiasm"  - esther perel. 

- meeting someone, the right someone, should feel calm. No push pull dynamic you see in the movies, none of the will they won't they. Not them putting you on a pedestal or you putting them on one. No nervousness. Not fast paced, not distant or anxious, not second guessing, just a friendship that slowly develops into more. A calm friendship that accepts your most authentic you. 

- if you don't know what you want, if you don't know yourself enough to know that, then the chances of you finding someone right for you are slimmer. Get to know you, and find you before you look for another.

-if you're looking for someone to save you or fill in that inner hole in your life, you will always run into trouble. YOU have to save you.

-  boundaries are not a closed door. They are an open door for self development and self reflection that will lead to better connection. Your perception of boundaries will ultimately determine the direction of your relationship. Respect them and you respect your relationship.

- what you consider to be "bad" another may consider "good" remember that when someone is rejecting the parts of you that make you, you. We all have different values and interests and we aline with some, better than others.

- do not let where you live, what you do, how you look, how big or small your circle of  friends are etc etc determine your value as a person. You determine your own value with how aligned you are to your most authentic self. Your beliefs, values and interests.

- it's time to walk away when you bring all of who are you to the table but you are walking away with less.