I rise

 Let's just say I've had a bad review on my blog. I understand. It's provocative, it can feel personal, it can touch a nerve. The things I speak about on here arnt exactly  fun. Im not a psychiatrist, scholar, or hold any certification that allows me to be qualified to speak about anyone or anything with any great certainty, with any studies or great audience to verify what im talking about and im neither anyone of any great influence.These are simply my own running thoughts that hold absolutely no truth to them other than what I believe to be true from my own sense of reality and experiences. 

My only aim in writing this blog, is that it helps someone. It helps give them the realisations I wish I'd had much sooner than I'd had them. That it prevents them from walking into fires or encourages them to ask for help.

Oprah Winfrey in her book "what I know for sure..." is something I'm inspired by. Its her version of "truth" and it's helped many many people. 

What I know for sure is that my content on here and on social media has helped people. To my knowledge it has saved a life and for that reason I will continue to write about my experiences, because, even though I was surrounded by support, I felt alone and i never want anyone to feel as alone as I did in my own experiences.

I can understand that my own version of reality isn't everyone's cup of tea. In which case this blog is a pretty self torturous reading endeavour and ya know, you have a choice here 😅✌️

Final thoughts. Positive narcissism is a thing and worth looking into. 

A poem that resonates with me and made me feel less alone was this one by maya angelou.

You may write me down in history

With your bitter, twisted lies,

You may trod me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

Does my sassiness upset you?

Why are you beset with gloom?

’Cause I walk like I’ve got oil wells

Pumping in my living room.

Just like moons and like suns,

With the certainty of tides,

Just like hopes springing high,

Still I’ll rise.

Did you want to see me broken?

Bowed head and lowered eyes?

Shoulders falling down like teardrops,

Weakened by my soulful cries?

Does my haughtiness offend you?

Don’t you take it awful hard

’Cause I laugh like I’ve got gold mines

Diggin’ in my own backyard.

You may shoot me with your words,

You may cut me with your eyes,

You may kill me with your hatefulness,

But still, like air, I’ll rise.

Does my sexiness upset you?

Does it come as a surprise

That I dance like I’ve got diamonds

At the meeting of my thighs?

Out of the huts of history’s shame

I rise

Up from a past that’s rooted in pain

I rise

I’m a black ocean, leaping and wide,

Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.

Leaving behind nights of terror and fear

I rise

Into a daybreak that’s wondrously clear

I rise

Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,

I am the dream and the hope of the slave.

I rise

I rise

I rise.