Rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD)

Googles top definition: you experience severe emotional pain because of a failure or a feeling of rejection

I often wonder if this severe emotional state I sometimes get myself into eases or lessens. I like to believe it will and it does. Like the part of the brain I use now to breathe through and reframe will strengthen like a muscle and more easily compensate for this debilitating ADHD symptom. I'm not entirely sure how it all works but it sounds right doesn't it? And often placebos and beliefs are much more powerful than facts anyway so let's go with that...

Now that I'm actually allowing pain to come through and pass rather than suppress it or distract myself it's as if I'm feeling things like I've never felt them before. 

Yesterday I experienced RSD and the consequence to this with ADHD is like being in a zombiefied state. Moving around but barely functioning. Looking busy but not getting anything or much done at all. 

Wanting to peform basic tasks but forgetting 5 times why I went into the kitchen. Curling up in the fetal position because there's just really no point.

Upon reflection not only was I feeling intense feelings of rejection but I was ashamed of that and a little embaresed because of the source of these feelings and how it was impacting my day.

I had to remind myself that my feelings were valid. If you've experienced gaslighting in the past or your feelings were dismissed it can be an automatic thing we do to ourselves to dismiss our own feelings and tell ourselves were being ridiculous or stupid and this simply isn't true at all.

Here are some words I used for myself when I was reframing all of this and I hope it will help anyone going through this too

My feelings are valid 

I am allowing these feelings in and breathing through them 

Allowing these feelings to come and go is the proof of my inner strength

I am loved and cherished by those that really matter in my life

The only opinion worth considering are the opinions of those who truly love me and want the best for me, anyone outside of this is irrelevant.

This is just an opportunity for redirection

There's something better waiting around the corner 

This does not represent my value as a person, I am awesome and amazing 

There is no person or event that decides my value. i decide my value.

I am strong and hopeful and appreciate this as an opportunity for better people and better opportunities and better experiences in my life 

I matter

I am more than enough 

Thankyou universe