How to sit with pain

 So I've really been struggling with this idea of sitting with pain.

I'm very much an all or nothing, live life a thousand miles per hour...and I see how people avoiding their own shit affects them and even their kids so much that that scares me massively to the point that I go... Oh hello pain... And then I dive right in until I want to set the world on fire.

None of that makes any logical sense and I've caused all sorts of chaos. Like a child.

But you know what? I'm not judging myself for any of this because firstly, I was brought up in an environment where I wasn't allowed to express myself and secondly in an environment where if anyone did express themselves it was explosive. 

And I'm not saying monkey see monkey do and that makes it ok but what I am saying is that you can't act or be any better if you don't know how. I was never shown any better so I've never acted any better and although it's common sense to most, in those hard moments when youre overwhelmed, common sense goes out of the window. I have been in a constant state of stress that I haven't seen logic or common sense for a long time and I have missed them a lot 😅

The worst thing you can do with anyone who is struggling and causing chaos is judge them. The best thing you can do is listen. Listen to them until they no longer feel anxious. Ask them how they feel. Ask them if they want some advice before giving it. Be compassionate, emotionally empathic and understanding towards yourself first and enforce boundaries around someone causing chaos if it is negatively effecting you and then finally extend that to the person struggling.

I just had a session with a therapist about how I've struggled to sit with pain as I let it overwhelm me and cause chaos.

And this simple yet effective response was given.

Slow. it. down.

Sit with trauma in small doses and the moment that fire comes up that's it stop. It's too much, take a walk, read a book, whatever anchors you back to the present moment that's what's needed.  You sit with pain so it's bearable but not so uncomfortable that you feel powerless.

It's a hard skill to master but it's necessary.