Healing part 2

Claires sessions are probably tailored to each individual so what I describe that happened within mine might not happen in others.

In my first session we discussed where I was at on my journey. How I feel and react in certain situations and labelling the messaging that ive carried through out my life.

Id told her about my post natal depression, my separation from my husband, a job I wasn’t feeling truly passionate about but that I liked regardless and the tumultuous relationship with a current boyfriend. She made some notes as we went along which I couldn’t help but wonder about but that made sense at the end of the session

Id described my relationship with both parents and Claire had summarised the messaging I got from my dad in a way that was never put to me before and it was this:

 

“you don’t matter” and there for “I discard you”

 

She cemented the idea that we carry the lack of love we received from the negative parent and we end up with romantic partners who repeat the same patterns in our adult lives. We basically marry our shit parent. So whats the solution?

She filled me with so much hope that there was a way out of that cycle that I felt so incredibly at peace in her presence even if it was over a zoom call.

We finished the session with a tapping technique (https://www.healthline.com/health/eft-tapping)

 

In our next session, I went into a meditative state and I walked through the bad memories id had with my dad with claires guidance where those messages were most prominent. claire talked me through soothing my inner child and being the love for me that I had not been given by him.

I cried a lot. A lot of people go into many types of healing sessions in these meditative states and they really sob. The difference with claire is that she is there to catch you by helping you catch yourself. Simply by guiding you through that pain and out of it by helping you be the love for yourself that you never had.

The most painful experience id had with my dad and my ex was being discarded and I had to affirm to myself in a number of ways and in a number of expressions that I can not discard myself and I will always be there for me, I will always care and love me. I did matter, and I always have mattered. I had to be the words I wish id had. I had to tell myself how incredible I was, I had to learn to love and accept all of my perfect imperfections and as simple as it was, the tapping technique really cemented the inner child work and reinforced it each day.

Theres no real way to explain the phenomenal work that claire does. It sounds so simple but its very very effective, life changing in fact. Shes an inspiring and brilliant light and guide out of the darkness but she gives you direction to do the work on yourself. So I feel incredibly brave and strong to have done the work that most people fear. 

I can appreciate that to some this may perhaps sound elaborate and dramatic but this is my journey and my perspective. Adhd has a profound impact on how I recieve and interpret events and information and how I react to those. Rejection sensitivity dysphoria for example is a symptom of adhd that heightens my emotional response to rejection.

At the same time ADHD has been a catalysts in my healing as my deep thinking mind has allowed me to uncover all of my triggers and work through them at a faster pace than a neurotypical

So I have been grateful because nature works in a very deliberate way. 

I recall a trip to Mexico where a guide was telling the group a story about 2 trees that grew along side one another, one was a poison and the other was the medicine to that poison. 

I now view ADHD in the same way. 

If I was neurotypical, I would be able to suppress my pain much more easily and that suppressed pain would be embedded into my nervous system and cause my body havoc that I would later Have to deal with.

ADHD makes suppression incredibly difficult, especially under stress. But as bad as this sounds it's actually a blessing. We are the reason we think so deeply but because we think so deeply our own solutions are within us. We are our own poison and our own medicine.

Adhd alerts us to heal and grow and live a happy and abundant life due to our low tolerance to stress. 

Eradicating stressors in my life will be my next post.